Mommy's Turn To Run

July 4, 2005...the last time I ran in a road race.  In fact, the last time I ran more than a block.  I was eleven weeks pregnant, running in an annual 8k with my running group.  The next week, I told them all that I was pregnant and had a great excuse to stop running for awhile.

Fast forward six years, and I am finally returning from my hiatus.  In that six years, I have had two children, and watched myself slide further and further into "Sloth Mode". 

I am not proud of it, just stating a fact. 

I used to really enjoy running.  I ran my first marathon, Grandma's in Duluth, in 1996, and I was in the best shape of my life.  My second marathon was in 1998, New York City, and my third marathon was in Chicago in 2000.  In between, there were numerous 5k, 8k, 10k, 1/2 marathons, trail runs, relay runs, and even one triathlon. 

My husband was always a runner, and in our 19 years together we have often planned trips to great locations based on the running events available.  Slovakia in 2000 for the Peace Marathon (half marathon for me).  Italy in 2004 for the Prato Marathon (half for me).  In 2002, a fun run in Scotland, and a half marathon in England. 

Then came baby number one in 2006, and I happily said good-bye to running.  We continued to travel and my husband continued to participate in various events, but now he expanded to biking as well.  So baby and I went along as he competed in marathons, trail runs, 50k races, bike races, triathlons, and 3 Ironman Triathlons.  Then baby #2 came along in 2008, and I starting taking two small children to numerous races and events for him, including another Ironman.   

This summer, our family drove across the country so that my husband could compete in his 5th Ironman.  I endured the long months of training without complaining.  I packed the car full of entertainment and snacks so that I could survive the 12 hours it would take him to finish.  I hauled two kids and all their stuff, a stroller, my husband's bike, his three gear bags, and his very weak body back to the car after the event and got everyone (2 sleeping children and 1 very sick athlete) into the hotel room and into beds.  And I was happy to do it. That was my job - support crew.

But as I watched the athletes competing in that Ironman, as I recalled days when I could run a marathon (or at least a mile!), I decided the time had come for me to get back at it and start running again.  On the drive home, my husband was saying how happy he was to be done with training for awhile.  I jumped at the opening and said, "Good.  Because it's my turn now."  Luckily he is very supportive and more than willing to give me the time to train for an event.  He found me a half marathon during my next driving shift, and I was a registered participant shortly after that. 

I would have 2 1/2 months to go from no running at all to a half marathon.  I now have about six weeks left, and I am surprised how well my training has gone!  I actually get up early in the morning to run, and I ENJOY it!  I am not a morning person, so the fact that I get up AND enjoy it is AMAZING!!!

I love how peaceful it is early in the morning.  I love that I can run, shower, and have a cup of coffee before my kids wake up for the day.  I love that my clothes fit a little better since I have lost almost 20 pounds in eight weeks.  I love that I have something that is just for me and that I look forward to doing several times a week.

And I wonder, why did I ever stop?  Why did I let it all go? 

To say it's because I became a mother is a really weak excuse.  I know lots of women who continue to run or exercise in some way despite having children.   Saying it's because my husband is always training is not any better of an excuse.  First, he is not that selfish and would never tell me that I can't do something because of his schedule.  He always asked me before he signed up for any event, and made sure I had time to do things that were important to me when he was training. 

I think it's safe to say that I became lazy. 

So now I am trying to break the "Lazy Sloth" cycle and find joy in running again.  My reasons for wanting to run are plenty, but these are the top three reasons:   

1.  I want to be healthy.  That means losing weight, eating right, and exercising.  I have been blessed with a family history of heart disease, and I need to make more healthy choices with my body so that I can live a long life.  Since I started running again, I don't think daily about the possibility of dropping dead at a young age like my grandfather did.  I feel good about my weight loss and how I look, and want to keep fit so that my pants continue to stay comfortable. 

2.  I want my children to see me doing something great.  I see how my son's face lights up when he sees his dad running or biking in an event.  I love his smile when he yells for his dad.  I want him to smile and light up as I run by him.  I want him and my daughter to yell for me during my race, to be proud of their mom.

3.  I want my husband to be proud of me.  I love watching him compete in various events.  I love watching the string of athletes until I see his familiar stride, love the emotion I feel when I see him, love his look of satisfaction when he finishes.  I want him to watch for me, to cheer for me, to feel pride when he sees me.  I will look forward to seeing him at various points on the route, and I know that he will keep me motivated so that I will finish.  I am grateful, in my training, to have a supportive husband.  He runs and bikes much less right now so that my training can be a priority in our house. 

I am very grateful for a recently discovered running partner, an old friend who knows me well.  She meets me on dark streets early in the morning, and we run.  Sometimes she talks more, sometimes I talk more.  Because we have known each other for 30 years, many things can be said and heard between us in only a few words.  It's great therapy, just having someone listen to you a few mornings each week.  I have cried more than once on our runs, not because my body was hurting but because my heart was hurting.  She listened.  And when I couldn't talk, she did the talking and reassured me that everything would be okay. 

I have had a tight calf muscle, and recently a very sore hip, but my friend keeps me motivated to run.  And she walks with me when I can't run and tells me, "It all counts!"  It's good to have a partner to get me up and out the door on these early mornings.  I am so thankful that we ran together one morning, and that it has turned into a 3-4 morning a week ritual. 

On the day of my half marathon, I will be alone at the start.  That's two places I haven't been in almost six years - at a race start and ALONE.  My husband and my kids will be somewhere in the crowd waiting to yell for me, but I will be alone with my thoughts for at least two hours.  I know I will stay motivated because there is always good crowd support at this particular venue.  I am not worried at all about finishing.  I just want to feel good at the finish so that I will stay motivated AFTER the event.  I am on a healthier life track now, and I want to stay there long after this one event. 

My daughter helped me make the bracelet pictured in this post.  The green is my son's favorite color, and the pink is my daughter's favorite color.  The message in the middle is a reminder to me to stick with it during my training and on race day.  But I will continue to wear it after this half marathon as a reminder to stick with it for many years yet to come. 

I hope to make all four of us very proud on race day.