A Much Needed Vacation

I have this memory in my brain of a family gathering in 2006.  My son was only a few months old as I gathered with all of my cousins and their children for our annual holiday get together.  One of my cousins was going on a trip in early January with her husband, and they were leaving their two children with grandparents for a week. 

I felt sick to my stomach at even the thought of leaving my baby for one night, never mind A WHOLE WEEK!!

Another cousin shared that she was going Christmas shopping with two girlfriends for a weekend.  Two nights away from home.  WITHOUT her husband and two children. 

I held my baby tighter as my anxiety grew. 

At some point I was able to regain control, pick my chin up off the floor, and say that I could not imagine ever leaving my son to go away on a trip.  My much wiser cousins with older children looked at each other and then back at me, and then said in unison, "You will."

It's taken me five years, but I finally get it.  I am taking my first trip away from my children.

I have everything in order:  notes left for my husband regarding all of the activities he needs to remember each day; books and small "treats" for my children to open each day that I am gone; daycare lined up when my husband is at work; and my boarding pass printed and ready to go in the morning. 

Everything is ready.  So why the anxiety?

I think I am worried that something will happen, and I will be far away and unable to get back to my babies fast enough.  Ridiculous.  What could happen?  

Don't.  Get.  Me.  Started!

I need to just stop thinking about it, trust in my husband's ability to care for our children, and be grateful that he recognized my need to get away from my responsibilities for a few days.  After all, this trip was his idea and a gift from him to me.  He bought me the ticket, altered his schedule to be home with our children, and encouraged me to go and have fun.  So I am going.

And I will remember to tell myself that I will be a better Mommy after taking some time to myself to relax and enjoy one of my favorite places.