Thanks to the internet, blogging, and facebook, I learned recently that JP is pregnant for the fourth time. She had two children early on in life, then became a single mother raising those two children. She is not ashamed to say that she and her two children lived on food stamps, and she took out student loans to put herself through school to become a teacher. She became a full-time working single mother of two, and started working in a low income school. I'm told that she did it all with a big smile on her face, a positive attitude, and a gratefulness in her heart for all that she had.
When I met her, she had met a nice man whom she married, and she had a third child to complete their family. She was so happy! So I was not completely shocked when she announced that she was pregnant again.
What did shock me was the fact that it is NOT her baby!
This amazing woman that I am so happy to know, is a surrogate for a couple who live in another country. When I learned that, I thought to myself, "Wow, she is such a giving person, that is so awesome!" I also read between the lines of her blog posts and interpreted her comments with my own perceptions of what reality is.
She said, "I am so excited for the Intended Parents" and I assumed, "Oh, that couple can't get pregnant so they have to get a surrogate."
She said, "One of the IP's immediately called his mom to tell her the baby is a boy" and I assumed, "I wonder if his wife cried when she heard him talking to his mom about their baby."
She said, "The size of the baby will depend more on the the egg donor and the Intended Parent" and I assumed, "That poor woman doesn't have her own egg AND she can't carry her baby."
All of my assumptions were clarified with JP's most recent blog post when she said, "They will make such great Daddies!"
I literally dropped my mouth open and gasped.
Is it a big deal to me that they are two men wanting a baby? No. Do I care if two men want to be fathers? No. I am disappointed in myself that I ASSUMED that it was a man and a woman, the "traditional" parents. Why shouldn't the Intended Parents be two men or two women? I am even more proud of JP that she is taking this giant leap and speaking so matter-of-factly about something that is not "the norm".
I can imagine that carrying a baby for someone else would be an incredibly emotional experience, and I'm not sure that I am strong enough to take that leap for a friend, much less a stranger, as JP is doing. I have often said that I would do it for someone I love like my sister, but would I? I have a friend who wants to be a mother so badly, but she is having trouble getting pregnant. I told her the story of JP, and I said to her, "I think I would do that for someone I love." My friend stopped in her tracks and asked if I was serious, like maybe she was feeling me out as an option for her if she came to that point in her baby efforts. So, would I do it for her? I would like to think that I would do it for her, for any close friend or family member who asked me and so desparately wanted a baby. But I can't guarantee that my answer would be yes. Maybe it would be easier to do it for someone knowing that you would be able to see that child, watch him/her grow, and always be a part of his/her life. I think that's what makes JP's experience more remarkable. She's not doing it for any monetary gain. She likely won't ever see the child again since they live in another country and are strangers. She is just doing it because she wants to bring the joy of parenting to a couple who might not otherwise get to experience it.
And aren't we all entitled to experience joy and love? It shouldn't matter who we choose for a partner, but rather what we have to offer a child. Joy and love would top my list of things to give, before a Mommy AND a Daddy.
Best wishes to the tiny gift JP is carrying for his new Daddies. And best wishes to the Daddies as they embark on this incredible journey called "Parenting".
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