Make, Do, Clean

Make something, Do something, Clean something

I was inspired this week by a friend who is posting on Instagram each day something she made, something she did (movement), and something she cleaned or organized.  I love this!  I think this is a good way to give purpose to my days, other than the usual routines of eat, sleep, household chores. 

Make something - I have been making a new recipe every day, but today I expanded the "make something" to my children.  My daughter did an Instagram Live drawing lesson today and drew a lovely vase of tulips. My son solved riddles that were told to him by our housemate, Google Home.  I cooked several meals and put them in the freezer, and made a fresh loaf of bread in the bread maker I forgot we own!  I still have homemade peanut butter cups on my list of things to make today!

Do something - my son is running each day because he is determined to be ready for the track season that was supposed to start next week.  I don't have the heart to tell him yet that the season will likely be cancelled because he is so looking forward to it.  My daughter and I did an online exercise video. She is much more coordinated than me, but we had fun.

Clean something - my son cleaned off his desk.  It was a mess!! He found an unused $20 gift card and enough food crumbs to feed us for a week.  We also vacuumed the couch and cleaned the cushions.  Enough for one day.

I'm hoping this will help keep us focused and feeling accomplished throughout this period of isolation.  Next week we will have to add in home school activities as school has been cancelled until April 13th.

A New Way of Living

This quote came up on my Instagram feed yesterday. I don't know where or how it started, but I like it.  I'm trying to embrace this new mentality of being still.

My daughter and I have tried a new recipe each day this week.  I love to cook and bake, and I am grateful that she is humoring me by doing it with me.  Cooking for others is my love language.  I learned it well from my mother and grandmother.  We are making a list of things we can make for my mother-in-law so that she can stock her freezer with small meals for the coming days and weeks.  We are hoping we will be able to drop some food off to her next week since she doesn't drive and is dependent on others to get her groceries.

We are listening to music, watching favorite family movies, reading books, and playing games.  I am currently losing Connect Four 8-5 to my daughter.  I have plenty of time to make my comeback!  My son got a game for Christmas that we finally opened last night and started to play.  We found two unopened puzzles that we bought during a rainy week last summer so we're getting those out on an extra table in our dining room.

We are exercising.  I bought a membership for at-home workouts, but I'm thinking about ordering a small trampoline the kids and I can jump on throughout the day.  My son's strength and conditioning coach from school is sending weekly workouts for the kids to do with and without weights.  My husband continues to run or get on his bike, either the indoor trainer or a solo ride in the country.  I joke that I may come out of this 20-pounds lighter because I don't have unlimited snacks in the house and I'm actually taking time to exercise each day.

I am not meditating, but I am trying to remember to breathe deep and embrace this opportunity to be at home.  It is rare that we are all home together with no deadlines or events on the calendar.  This is a unique time in my children's lives, and I want to make the most of it.  Maybe someday we will look back on the spring of 2020 and say, "remember that year there was some virus going around and we all got to stay home and do nothing for weeks?"

I look forward to that time when this all is only a memory.

Thinking of Others

"True friends are always together in spirit."   

~L. M. Montgomery

Today is only Day 2 at home.  Today the governor recommended that all restaurants and bars stop on-site dining.  We can still order online and have food delivered or picked up, but we can't eat at a restaurant anymore.  We have plenty of food in our house right now so we don't need to use any of the restaurants, but my son already dreams of Chipotle and my daughter would love some breadsticks and chicken from Pizza Ranch.  It's nice to know those are an option as this continues.

I went for a walk this morning.  I was listening to an audio book, but I found my thoughts constantly shifting to friends and family near and far.  I wondered how each was handling our quickly changing daily life.

I thought of my teaching partner.  She is returning from a trip to Mexico today.  I have seen long lines at the airports on the daily news, and I wonder how long she will stand in a line before she gets "cleared" to return home.  I sent her a text and told her to pee on the plane because she might have a long wait.  That sounds like a very "mom thing" to say to my teammate, a grown adult.  But both of my teammates are first year teachers and so I do feel very maternal toward them.  I am their team leader, and hopefully their friend, but I also am nearing the end of my teaching career as they are just beginning.  I have to be strong, have to pay close attention to the changes being made in my district, so that I can help them navigate the upcoming changes.

I thought of my friend who lives in the San Francisco Bay Area.  I am supposed to be traveling to see her and her husband on April 16th.  I planned to spend the weekend with them eating good food, spending time at the beach, drinking fine wine.  But the entire bay area was directed to "shelter in place".  The restaurants and wine tasting rooms are closed indefinitely, and my friends are tucked safely inside their home that overlooks the ocean. I wish I was with them.  I wish I could hear the ocean outside my door right now.  I postponed my trip to see them and look forward to a future weekend when I am sitting with them on their sunny deck with a glass of fine wine in my hand.

I thought of a college friend who lives in the DC area.  Her son just turned 19 this month, and he is nearing the end of his first year battling cancer.  Not the end of his treatments, just the end of the FIRST YEAR of treatments!  I wonder how they are doing today.  Their family has been fighting an evil invader for a year so I wonder if this new disease feels like just another battle.  I hope the whole family is staying healthy and that her son is staying strong and focused in his fight.

I thought of my friend from high school who is a pediatrician in Boston.  I wonder if she is working more and longer hours than she ever imagined.  I wonder if she is eating right, sleeping enough, staying healthy.  I wonder if she feels like she is answering the same questions to parent after parent regarding the spread, the risks, the outcomes.  I hope she is taking care of herself so that she can continue to take care of others.

I thought of another friend from high school who lives in New York.  She recently left her corporate job to start her own business. I know she has money saved so that she can live without an income for several months.  I'm sure she is grateful she isn't required to show up at an office, to ride the subway at such a scary time.  She can stay home and not feel guilty or like she has to choose between her personal health and her job.  She lived in the city before, during, and after 9/11.  She is an optimist.  I am confident she is doing well both physically and mentally through this new challenge.

I thought of my mom.  She has been a widow for 13 years now.  She has been taking care of herself and all of us for longer than that.  She lives less than two miles from me, but I am scared to go near her.  I am terrified that I could somehow be a carrier of this disease even though I have no known exposure to it.  She calls me and texts me to say she is lonely.  She misses church, her post-mass coffee with her friends, dinner and lunch dates with other friends.  She missed her great-great-niece's 1st birthday party.  Her bi-weekly card club will be canceled.  I am sad for her.

I thought of my mother-in-law.  She is 83 years old and lives alone.  She lives 30-minutes from us, but we are afraid to go near her too.  I see the pictures and videos of family members holding  up signs outside nursing home windows so they can see their loved ones and be seen by them.  I think about driving my children to her house and standing in the yard just so she can see them.  Maybe we can talk to her through the screen door.  When will she be able to touch us and hug us again without fear?

I thought of my nephew.  He is getting married on June 6th.  Will this all be over by then?  We are being told today not to gather in groups larger than 10 people.   How long will that be the recommendation?  My daughter is in the wedding so we have dresses hanging in our house to show the bride so she can pick which one she likes best for the ceremony.  She is a nurse at a local hospital so she needs to stay healthy.  When will she get to see my daughter try on the dresses?  Is she worried about her wedding day or is she just choosing to not think about the what-ifs right now?

I don't pray as often as I used to.  Someone told me once that prayers are just wishes, they are selfish.  I'm not sure I agree with that, but at some point I stopped praying as much as I used to.  Sometimes I pray for others because that doesn't feel selfish.  My most recent prayers have been for a boy in my son's class who knocked on death's door last month and is still in the hospital recovering today.  I texted his mother that I have never prayed for anyone or anything as hard as I am praying for her son.  I pray that God lets him stay here on Earth.  I pray that he has a full recovery and returns to his family whole.   I wonder today if I am being selfish if I switch my prayers from him to my immediate family and lifelong friends.  Is it just a wish if I ask that my family and friends get through this disease unscathed?  Am I allowed to pray so fervently for more than one thing?  I am still trying to decide what I believe in terms of prayer.  I am thinking about all the people I love and hold dear to me, and I want them to be okay.  Isn't that a type of prayer itself...to think of others and hope they are doing their best and staying healthy?

Although I can't be near all those I love right now today, I am thinking of all of them and sending them love.  Whether it is a wish or a prayer, I will think of them daily and hope they all maintain their health until we can be together again.

I Am a Teacher

"A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others."   

~Mustafa Kemal Ataturk

I am a teacher.  More specifically, I am a Kindergarten teacher.  For 24 years I have been greeting our littlest learners in the fall and spending the entire school year teaching them their letters, how to count to 100, how to share, and so much more.  After so many years, one would think I have seen it all.  I've been through hard things in my career.

The 5-year old girl with a brain tumor who joined my class in July, but I was told she would likely be dead by Christmas.  I spent the fall talking to counselors and the school psychologist, visiting my student in the hospital, reading books about illness and death to prepare her classmates.  But then she lived.  Today she is a college graduate with a unique name so I can always find her and check on her with a quick google search.

The students, sadly more than one, who lost a parent to death, prison, or mental illness.  They are the ones who loved when I came to their ball games, or needed me to rub their backs at rest time so they could relax enough to just be still.

The many students, more than I can count, who were hungry.  I have always kept food in my room because Kindergarten students get to have an afternoon snack.  But some students also needed breakfast because they got to school after breakfast service had ended.  I learned which items had a long shelf life and were best for eating while working - cereal bars, granola bars, graham crackers. Never fresh fruit or milk or the things they really needed.  For many years, I kept money in my closet so that I could add it to lunch accounts for students who were depleted.  The ones who didn't qualify for free lunch, but whose parents could not send any money until payday the next week. 

Then there was September 11, 2001.  The day my colleagues and I felt shell shocked ourselves and wondered what was happening in the world beyond our school walls.  The parents who stumbled into the school and the classroom because they just knew they had to get to their children, even if we were not in any danger.

I've worked in schools where staff did not trust each other, where conflict was constant, where the principal was not a leader in any true sense of the word.  Those are the years when, unfortunately, my students did not get my best efforts.  I kept my door shut, didn't form relationships with my colleagues, spent no extra time at school, and counted down the minutes until the end of the day so that I could just go home and forget about my job.  But there is the problem for teachers...it's not just a "job".

Finally, I survived a flood.  The city where I taught experienced a "500 year flood" in 2008.  It was one week after we had dismissed for the summer.  I worked at a year-round school so we would be back to greet a new class in 6 weeks, but the river water instead took our school from us in one fast moving swoosh.  There was so much uncertainty, so many questions.  Where would we go for the next school year?  What would happen to all of our kids, many of whom lost their homes to the flood also? Would there ever be a time when our school family would be reunited and whole again?  When I think of those early days, the days when nobody had any answers, I am reminded of how much I cried.  I was sad for myself to lose the work family I really did love.  I was sad for my students and their families who lost their school, their homes, and most of their possessions in just a few days.  And I cried because I was just scared. I didn't know what would happen next and it was completely out of my control.

Today is like that summer of 2008 - something beyond my control is changing everything.

The governor of my state recommended that all schools close for four weeks, and my district followed that recommendation immediately.  I knew it was coming.  We all knew it was coming because it had already happened in other states.  I know it sounds petty and small considering people are dying from this terrible disease, but my greatest worry was "will we have to make it up?"  I imagined us still going to school, getting my own children up and ready and homework done, well into June or even July.  The end of one school year would blur into the start of the next year.

During her daily address yesterday, the governor announced that a waiver was being worked on and she would sign it as soon as it got to her desk.  The waiver would allow schools to complete fewer  than the state mandated 1,080 hours if the school closed due to Coronavirus.  I cried when she said it.  I felt a great wash of relief.  In that moment, I didn't think about my students and their lost learning at all.  I thought about me and my own family.  I want my children to have something to look forward to, the carefree days of summer.

The bill was passed at 12:01 am today by our state legislators.

I slept soundly last night for the first time in over a week.

I know there is hard work ahead for my school district and many details to still work out to meet the needs of our students.  Can we somehow provide food daily to our students who need it?  What resources are available to keep our students engaged and learning at home?  What can we do so that learning can happen despite no internet access or devices?  I know the administrative team is working on solutions to all of those questions and they will pass that information on to me soon.  I will have a role to play in the solution.  I will do whatever it takes to help so that my students can continue to learn while they are not at school.  I am a teacher.  I've been through hard things before in my career.  But I got through all of them, and I know we will get through this too.

For one night, I let myself relax and smile.  I let myself dream about summer...lazy days at the pool, family vacations, no schedule, my son's favorite sports camp, my daughter's favorite wildlife camp.  I didn't let myself think about the unanswered questions.  They will still be there tomorrow and they will still be out of my control.

A Call to Be Calm

I have not written anything on this blog in seven years.

This is a blog I started almost nine years ago so I would have a place to record my thoughts and reflections, but somehow it got pushed to the side as life became busier.  Actually, to be honest, it is something I abandoned as life became more about the happiness and care of others and less about my own happiness and health.  But today I find myself in need of a place that will allow me to write down my thoughts so that I can let my mind rest.  I need a place to transfer all of my anxiousness and worry so that I don't hold it in my brain.  I need a place to ask questions, the many questions that are swirling around my brain, but that nobody seems to be able to answer.

Today is the first day of my family's near-isolation as the Coronavirus disease (COVID-19) spreads rapidly across the United States and world beyond.

This is supposed to be our spring break.  Six months ago, we were planning on traveling to Costa Rica for Spring Break.  By January, we decided to push the trip off to summer because a new virus was taking hold in China and South Korea and we worried it could somehow interfere with our return travel.  American citizens were already being diagnosed in Washington, but all cases were seemingly related to travel.  We decided to play it safe and stay closer to home.  We settled on traveling to Minneapolis for a few days to attend the NCAA Division 1 wrestling championships where our beloved Hawkeyes were in a position to win it all after a 10-year hiatus.  As a wrestling season ticket holder since the age of 10, I couldn't wait to be at the championships to watch the Hawks finish off a great season.  But last week, the NCAA announced fans would not be allowed at any championship tournaments.  That's OK, we thought, we can still watch it on TV.  Then the NCAA announced that all championships would be cancelled and spring season sports suspended indefinitely.

It was at that point that Anxiety not only knocked on my door, but it let itself in uninvited and made itself comfortable in my home, my job, my thoughts, my family, and my entire life. 

So today we are at home.  My husband is still working, today at the office but preparing to work at home indefinitely.  My daughter and I stocked up on craft kits and ordered some activities from Amazon.  I picked up a few books at the library on Saturday, mere hours before the library announced they are closing effective immediately and reopening who knows when.  I stocked up on groceries on Saturday so that we wouldn't have to go to the store again all week.  So many of the shelves were empty, but there was still plenty for me to get for my family.  My son got outside for a bike ride, something that may not be a choice in the coming days and weeks as our city and country move more toward isolation.  There are so many unknowns, and my new friend, Anxiety, loves that fact.

I am trying to be grateful for the things that I do have - the sun is shining today, I have a great book I am reading, my family is healthy, and I am able to talk to my friends and my mom via texting so I still feel connected.  So many things to be thankful for.  I will use this space to sort through my thoughts and feelings, to put them down so I can hopefully let them go, and to center myself so that I can remain calm in this quickly changing world.

New Food Gadgets

I wrote in my last post how I have a wish list of lunch packing gadgets.  I ordered two things, and they came yesterday.  My daughter and I broke them out and used them today for the first time.  I am so excited about them!

The first item, Silicone Pop Makers, is what I plan to use to replace Gogurt in our freezer.  My kids love frozen Gogurt.  We have tried the organic brands, but they are so expensive!  I saw a post about these tubes from 100 Days of Real Food, and I have been wanting to try them. Today we made yogurt smoothies with the following ingredients:

1 oz. organic skim milk
3 oz. organic plain yogurt
1 handful of fresh blueberries
4-5 Frozen strawberries
1 whole banana

We also added a handful of fresh baby spinach leaves to 1/2 the mix which didn't change the flavor at all. 

We mixed them up in our mini smoothie maker, poured them into the tubes, and they are now setting in the freezer.  I cannot wait to try them and to see what my children think!

The second thing I ordered and received yesterday were these Ice Pop Molds for homemade popsicles.  If this works and my kids love these popsicles, I am ordering several more sets so that we will be ready for summer!

We mixed up the same fruits - banana, fresh blueberries, frozen strawberries, and fresh baby spinach leaves in half - and added 100% fruit juice instead of milk and yogurt.  Then we poured them into the popsicle molds and can't wait to try them tonight or tomorrow morning. 

I am so excited about these two finds for two reasons.  First, it will be cheaper to make our own yogurt pops than to purchase the organic brands each month.  Second, and more importantly, I know exactly what I put into these things!  I am excited to try different flavor mixtures with my kids and get them excited about making and eating these yogurt and fruit pops.  I asked my 4-year old daughter, "Do you know why Mommy wants to make these?"  And she replied, "Because you want me to be healthy!"  That's it, the bottom line.  I do want them to be healthy as they enjoy all the natural flavors of fruits and vegetables.

And, for the record, this is my recipe experiment for this month. 

Lunch Box Obsession

Photo Credit Google Images

I may or may not be obsessed with packing lunches.

The first step is admitting it.

So, yes, I have an addiction to everything related to packing a lunch - the box/bag, the gadgets inside to hold the food, and recipes or ideas for the food itself.

When I was a girl, I was a fairly picky eater.  My mom packed my lunch into Tupperware containers, placed them inside my red Tupperware lunch system, complete with carrying handle, and sent me off for the day.  Her reasons were two-fold: 1. A lunch from home was cheaper and fresher, and 2. I was a picky eater so she could send things she knew I would eat.  My main lunch was usually a sandwich - bologna with ketchup, butter with Grandma's grape jelly, or butter with cheese were the only kinds I would eat. She would pack some type of side - crackers, pretzels, or chips. Sometimes there would be fruit that I rarely ate. A sliced apple (that turned brown) because I wouldn't even think of eating the skins. Or maybe an orange, but only if it had already been peeled with every stray white skin piece completely removed. Finally, because my mom was born into a "big full meal" family, I would usually have some type of homemade treat like a cookie or rice krispie treat.  Not always, but often.

As I have said before, now that I am a Mother, GOD BLESS MY MOM!!

I am worried about what my kids eat and am blessed that they eat a variety of foods.  I'm sure my mom was worried about the same things, but I was a genuine pain in the ass when it came to eating!  And to think I missed out on so many wonderful foods for so many years of my life! I ate my first leafy salad at my senior prom, I didn't even think of trying strawberries until post high school, and don't even get me started on the numerous fresh vegetables I would never allow to graze my lips before the age of 30.  So much good food, so many wasted years.  I would like to think it is not too late for me to get on the healthy eating track, and I definitely believe my children will have a much healthier future because they embrace fresh fruits and vegetables. 

Which brings me to my obsession of packing healthy lunches for my children and myself.  In January, I read the book "Fed Up With Lunch" by Sarah Wu.  Like the author, I too work in an extremely low income school where, for some families, school lunch is the only "healthy" hot meal they will get all day.  Although my children go to a school where the food is prepared on site every day, and many fresh food items are included, there is still a lot of processed food in the hot lunches that I just cannot let my children eat.  I don't know where the food comes from or what sugars or other fillers are included in each item like I do when I pack lunch for them.  So I am trying to learn as much as I can about how to pack a good lunch!

I spent the second half of 2012 reading and trying recipes from a couple of blogs:  100 Days of Real Food and My Wise Mom.  Both have great resources for me as I learn about chemicals in our food supply, how to choose the freshest food, and how to pack healthy lunches.  I have gotten many great ideas for "gadgets", (mostly from 100 Days) to help me pack lunches as well as what to put in them.  I have appreciated their research, and willingness to share, on topics such as which food items I should spend more money on and buy organic, and where to find items for the least amount of money (mostly from My Wise Mom).

When my son started Kindergarten last year, we went to the store and picked out a lunch bag.  I ordered a few helpful containers from Amazon and we were ready for a year of packing lunches.  Over the last year and a half, I have added to our collection of lunch gadgets, and added more items to my wish list.  Here is a list of the items we use every week in our lunches:

*Snack Taxi bags to replace ziploc bags for all things.

*Easy Lunchboxes Containers - holds all the items for his lunch and fits in the bottom of a lunch bag with an ice pack under to keep it cold. 

*Klip It Containers - we have the sandwich size and the small rectangle size to hold sliced fruit and veggies.

*Thermos Food Jar - my son takes soup often in his lunch. We also tried noodles and ravioli in it and they stayed hot.  We need to get a couple more but without Disney designs so that they will be appealing at all ages.

*Thermos Drink Bottle - this keeps drinks cold for so long!  We used them all summer last year on vacation and I couldn't believe how long ice stayed in the drink on hot days.  We are definitely getting a couple more of these, again in non-Disney colors, because we use them all the time!

I also have a growing wish list of things I want to add to our lunch packing collection:

*Silicone Ice Pop Makers - my kids love frozen GoGurt, but I cannot stand all the sugar, dye, and CRAP in them.  The organic ones are super expensive.  My kids also love making fruit smoothies so I thought we should try to make our own GoGurts!  I just ordered these and cannot wait to try them soon!

*Silicone Cupcake Liners - I don't want these to make cupcakes but rather to divide things in my son's lunch.  He has been making his own "lunchable" with mini pepperoni, ham, cheese, and crackers.  I use paper cupcake liners to separate the items into the bigger container, what a waste of paper!  I just ordered a set of these and will try them as soon as they come.  I have mini liners on my list as well if this first set works out for us.

*I love these Bento Lunch Boxes, but do we really need them?  I am watching them for a sale and then may have to get some to try them.

My next step is to start planning lunches for my son that are more fun.  I am bored with his lunches so I can only imagine that he is bored also. I am always on the hunt for new recipes or ideas for easy things to pack in his lunch.  I recently discovered Weelicious for some fun new recipes.  I also got a new mini cookbook from Amazon, "Lunch Boxes and Snacks", that has some promising ideas in it.  I will post back some of our favorites as we try them in 2013, and of course keep looking for inspiration anywhere I can find it on my mission to prepare healthy lunches for my children!