This is a blog I started almost nine years ago so I would have a place to record my thoughts and reflections, but somehow it got pushed to the side as life became busier. Actually, to be honest, it is something I abandoned as life became more about the happiness and care of others and less about my own happiness and health. But today I find myself in need of a place that will allow me to write down my thoughts so that I can let my mind rest. I need a place to transfer all of my anxiousness and worry so that I don't hold it in my brain. I need a place to ask questions, the many questions that are swirling around my brain, but that nobody seems to be able to answer.
Today is the first day of my family's near-isolation as the Coronavirus disease (COVID-19) spreads rapidly across the United States and world beyond.
This is supposed to be our spring break. Six months ago, we were planning on traveling to Costa Rica for Spring Break. By January, we decided to push the trip off to summer because a new virus was taking hold in China and South Korea and we worried it could somehow interfere with our return travel. American citizens were already being diagnosed in Washington, but all cases were seemingly related to travel. We decided to play it safe and stay closer to home. We settled on traveling to Minneapolis for a few days to attend the NCAA Division 1 wrestling championships where our beloved Hawkeyes were in a position to win it all after a 10-year hiatus. As a wrestling season ticket holder since the age of 10, I couldn't wait to be at the championships to watch the Hawks finish off a great season. But last week, the NCAA announced fans would not be allowed at any championship tournaments. That's OK, we thought, we can still watch it on TV. Then the NCAA announced that all championships would be cancelled and spring season sports suspended indefinitely.
It was at that point that Anxiety not only knocked on my door, but it let itself in uninvited and made itself comfortable in my home, my job, my thoughts, my family, and my entire life.
So today we are at home. My husband is still working, today at the office but preparing to work at home indefinitely. My daughter and I stocked up on craft kits and ordered some activities from Amazon. I picked up a few books at the library on Saturday, mere hours before the library announced they are closing effective immediately and reopening who knows when. I stocked up on groceries on Saturday so that we wouldn't have to go to the store again all week. So many of the shelves were empty, but there was still plenty for me to get for my family. My son got outside for a bike ride, something that may not be a choice in the coming days and weeks as our city and country move more toward isolation. There are so many unknowns, and my new friend, Anxiety, loves that fact.
I am trying to be grateful for the things that I do have - the sun is shining today, I have a great book I am reading, my family is healthy, and I am able to talk to my friends and my mom via texting so I still feel connected. So many things to be thankful for. I will use this space to sort through my thoughts and feelings, to put them down so I can hopefully let them go, and to center myself so that I can remain calm in this quickly changing world.
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