Thinking of Others

"True friends are always together in spirit."   

~L. M. Montgomery

Today is only Day 2 at home.  Today the governor recommended that all restaurants and bars stop on-site dining.  We can still order online and have food delivered or picked up, but we can't eat at a restaurant anymore.  We have plenty of food in our house right now so we don't need to use any of the restaurants, but my son already dreams of Chipotle and my daughter would love some breadsticks and chicken from Pizza Ranch.  It's nice to know those are an option as this continues.

I went for a walk this morning.  I was listening to an audio book, but I found my thoughts constantly shifting to friends and family near and far.  I wondered how each was handling our quickly changing daily life.

I thought of my teaching partner.  She is returning from a trip to Mexico today.  I have seen long lines at the airports on the daily news, and I wonder how long she will stand in a line before she gets "cleared" to return home.  I sent her a text and told her to pee on the plane because she might have a long wait.  That sounds like a very "mom thing" to say to my teammate, a grown adult.  But both of my teammates are first year teachers and so I do feel very maternal toward them.  I am their team leader, and hopefully their friend, but I also am nearing the end of my teaching career as they are just beginning.  I have to be strong, have to pay close attention to the changes being made in my district, so that I can help them navigate the upcoming changes.

I thought of my friend who lives in the San Francisco Bay Area.  I am supposed to be traveling to see her and her husband on April 16th.  I planned to spend the weekend with them eating good food, spending time at the beach, drinking fine wine.  But the entire bay area was directed to "shelter in place".  The restaurants and wine tasting rooms are closed indefinitely, and my friends are tucked safely inside their home that overlooks the ocean. I wish I was with them.  I wish I could hear the ocean outside my door right now.  I postponed my trip to see them and look forward to a future weekend when I am sitting with them on their sunny deck with a glass of fine wine in my hand.

I thought of a college friend who lives in the DC area.  Her son just turned 19 this month, and he is nearing the end of his first year battling cancer.  Not the end of his treatments, just the end of the FIRST YEAR of treatments!  I wonder how they are doing today.  Their family has been fighting an evil invader for a year so I wonder if this new disease feels like just another battle.  I hope the whole family is staying healthy and that her son is staying strong and focused in his fight.

I thought of my friend from high school who is a pediatrician in Boston.  I wonder if she is working more and longer hours than she ever imagined.  I wonder if she is eating right, sleeping enough, staying healthy.  I wonder if she feels like she is answering the same questions to parent after parent regarding the spread, the risks, the outcomes.  I hope she is taking care of herself so that she can continue to take care of others.

I thought of another friend from high school who lives in New York.  She recently left her corporate job to start her own business. I know she has money saved so that she can live without an income for several months.  I'm sure she is grateful she isn't required to show up at an office, to ride the subway at such a scary time.  She can stay home and not feel guilty or like she has to choose between her personal health and her job.  She lived in the city before, during, and after 9/11.  She is an optimist.  I am confident she is doing well both physically and mentally through this new challenge.

I thought of my mom.  She has been a widow for 13 years now.  She has been taking care of herself and all of us for longer than that.  She lives less than two miles from me, but I am scared to go near her.  I am terrified that I could somehow be a carrier of this disease even though I have no known exposure to it.  She calls me and texts me to say she is lonely.  She misses church, her post-mass coffee with her friends, dinner and lunch dates with other friends.  She missed her great-great-niece's 1st birthday party.  Her bi-weekly card club will be canceled.  I am sad for her.

I thought of my mother-in-law.  She is 83 years old and lives alone.  She lives 30-minutes from us, but we are afraid to go near her too.  I see the pictures and videos of family members holding  up signs outside nursing home windows so they can see their loved ones and be seen by them.  I think about driving my children to her house and standing in the yard just so she can see them.  Maybe we can talk to her through the screen door.  When will she be able to touch us and hug us again without fear?

I thought of my nephew.  He is getting married on June 6th.  Will this all be over by then?  We are being told today not to gather in groups larger than 10 people.   How long will that be the recommendation?  My daughter is in the wedding so we have dresses hanging in our house to show the bride so she can pick which one she likes best for the ceremony.  She is a nurse at a local hospital so she needs to stay healthy.  When will she get to see my daughter try on the dresses?  Is she worried about her wedding day or is she just choosing to not think about the what-ifs right now?

I don't pray as often as I used to.  Someone told me once that prayers are just wishes, they are selfish.  I'm not sure I agree with that, but at some point I stopped praying as much as I used to.  Sometimes I pray for others because that doesn't feel selfish.  My most recent prayers have been for a boy in my son's class who knocked on death's door last month and is still in the hospital recovering today.  I texted his mother that I have never prayed for anyone or anything as hard as I am praying for her son.  I pray that God lets him stay here on Earth.  I pray that he has a full recovery and returns to his family whole.   I wonder today if I am being selfish if I switch my prayers from him to my immediate family and lifelong friends.  Is it just a wish if I ask that my family and friends get through this disease unscathed?  Am I allowed to pray so fervently for more than one thing?  I am still trying to decide what I believe in terms of prayer.  I am thinking about all the people I love and hold dear to me, and I want them to be okay.  Isn't that a type of prayer itself...to think of others and hope they are doing their best and staying healthy?

Although I can't be near all those I love right now today, I am thinking of all of them and sending them love.  Whether it is a wish or a prayer, I will think of them daily and hope they all maintain their health until we can be together again.