Gift 10 - A Reunion

I took my family to my mother's family reunion today, a July tradition for many years.  The location changes each year, moved from the outdoor parks around the city to indoor churches or reception halls with air conditioning.  But the purpose is the same:  catch up with family from near and far.  Especially those that we don't see very often.

My grandmother was one of seven children, and this reunion is with members of that extended family.  My grandmother has been gone for nine years now.  One of her sisters just passed away this summer.  All the others were gone before my grandmother with the exception of just one.  My great aunt, along with her husband, is the only living sibling from that family.  I watched her today and wondered what that must be like.  What must it feel like to bury all of your siblings?  What thoughts do you have when you see that you, the youngest sibling, are the oldest member of the family?  I'm sure she's grateful that she has enjoyed so many years of life.  I'm sure she's grateful that the majority of her siblings also enjoyed a very long life.  But what does she think about the situation beyond that?

I am now, and have always been, very afraid of death.  I like the idea of the "ever after" of heaven, but I get sick to my stomach if I think about it too much.  I don't like to think about eternity, myself as an elderly person, or the death of my loved ones.  It scares me.  I do wonder if that will change as I get older, and consequently, closer to death.  But somehow I doubt that.  Maybe it's the fact that I have young children and I don't want to think about them living without me.  Or maybe I'm just afraid of the unknown, a more likely reason. 

Each year at my family reunion, I face the same questions and mixed feelings about death and what lies beyond my present.  I recall the people who were there last year but are absent this year.  I did it a lot the year my grandma passed away, and the year both my dad and my uncle passed away less than three months apart.  One of my mom's cousins started an album several years ago.  In it she keeps the sign in sheets and pictures from each reunion as well the programs from family members' funerals and any other family related news or events from each year.  I am glad that she did that.  It is fun to look back and see my signature from when I was younger, and pictures of all of us growing and aging.  And, at the same time, it is profoundly sad to see my dad's face looking back at me from the book both as a living person beside me in pictures and on his funeral program.  But I'm still glad it's there.  That he won't be forgotten as we gather each year.  That he is still part of the annual reunion, even if his presence is only in a book and in our memories. 

Today my prayer of gratitude is for my extended family, my mother's family.  I am grateful for my twelve first cousins who have been with me through so many life events, especially their support when my dad died.  I am grateful for my great aunt who reminds me so much of my grandma when I look into her eyes.  I am grateful for her daughther, my godmother, and her other children who bring so much laughter to every event they attend.  And I am again grateful to my mother, for smiling through adversity, for carrying on in life even though I know she feels so alone so often, and for honoring her own mother by continuing to gather with relatives for an annual reunion.   Today my gift is of time to my family and thankfulness to my mom.